The Dreamer's Solem Promise

This is not a poem i apoligize for going off course here but I feel this is something i need to write down because it has been on my mind for many years.
I assure you behind this mass of information there is a good lesson I hope it touches someone else as it does me on a daily basis.

I was born with cervico thoracic scoliosis which was undetected until I was around the age of 4 or 5. What this means is that my spinal cord has a curve in the portion located in my neck and chest. In order to moniter and possibly treat this i was to attend Shriner's Childrens Hospital in Lexinton Kentucky every 6 months. Shriners is a place where children with any disease you can think of can attend and get treatment for little or in most cases no cost. The impact of being at a place like this is monumental even at a young age. I remember not understanding why all the kids in the waiting area didn't want to play the video games and shoot on the basketball court (yes this place is really that cool). But what I realized more with each visit was that many of the kids wanted to do everything i was doing but couldn't because they were in wheel chairs, paralyzed, or so sick they could barely speak let alone move. This really hit me hard even at a young age. It was hard for me to understand why I was able to play and enjoy my time and leave with good news, yet there were families that would be crying after visits and children that couldn't even walk. As my visits continued doctors notified me that the degree of the curve in my spine was getting worse as I grew and at a certain point they would have to do surgery because it would shut off my abilty to swallow and breathe. The ability to swallow was set at 50 degrees, and by the age of 15 I was told that my spine had a 45 degree curve. My mother and father were beside themselves and at the age of 15 honestly I didn't know what to think. I had never had to face any real obstacle in my life or was ever in any real danger. So all of this buckles down to two stories both occuring the day before my surgery.

Story 1
I was shooting hoops when a boy with one arm in a wheel chair wheeled up and sat and watched me as I worked on my drills (thinking i would actually get to play in highschool). I noticed he looked sad so I asked him if he wanted to play, he was scared and told me he wasn't very good, and i said neither am i thats why i'm practicing. I'll never forget the joy on Mark's (the boy) face as we shot and laughed for nearly an hour. I forget what Mark's illness was but i know he had been in the hospital for over a month getting countless surgerys and he as well had one the next day. We played until the nurse had to come and force him away, I said goodbye and i'll never forget what he said to me "Can we play some more after we are both better?" at the time this was an easy answer, ya I PROMISE we can I can't wait. The mere thought of that moment brings me to tears to this day, I never saw Mark again.

Story 2
My brother stayed with me that night and we watched several movies and at 3 o clock in the morning my brother said alright buddy you ready for bed? I realized then that i was shaking and crying, It just now hit me that I faced paralysis and even death. The thought of them breaking my spine then refusing it with a metal pipe just hit me, the fact that i wouldn't be able to attend school for a year or walk up steps or carry 5lbs or more for 6months all flooded at once. My brother and I stayed up and talked all night. In the morning they doctors glued elctrodes to my head gave me my drugs and were about to put my cathider in when a nurse burst into the room and said we needed to take another x-ray. My father and brother carried me to the xray room as i was feeling pretty good at the time and they took the x-ray to the doctors to evaluate it. After all the doctors discussed it they came back and told my parents that there was an error in the reading the first time and that my surgery was canceled they would continue to moniter me. The doctor asked what i thought about that and I guess my response was go ahead and cut me I don't care or something along those lines.(i was on some heavy stuff) But two nurses said that this was truly a miracle, "they had been working there for over 20 years and they had seen 2 major surgerys canceled".

So what is all this getting at, well I was so happy at first and my family was so thankful that I had forgot all about my friend Mark. On the ride home it hit me I promised Mark that I would be there to play with him, even that he would be there to be able to play. I don't know if Mark lived through his dangerous surgery and his multiple illnesses, and even if he did I wouldn't be there to be his friend and to keep my promise. This was devastating to me and got worse with time. With great blessing and joy comes great responsibilty. Every time I shoot a basketball, or lift weights, or go for a run i'm scoring for Mark, I'm running for the children who are in wheel chairs, i'm lifting for all the children who didn't get their miracle in Shriner's hospital. I used to wonder why me what makes me more important than any of them? Why didn't Mark recieve a miracle? I often still do ask that question, but it doesn't matter because i'm going to make the most of this gift by spreading happiness to everyone I can and by being the best person I can be. Mark if your out there I'm sorry I wasn't there to keep that promise, but a promise I can keep is that this gift i've been given will not go to waste.